and the rest of the SSN Family!


Amy Young, President, SSN, INC.--Quickie Bio

 

Born: 7/29/73 in GA. Raised in SC (Yee freakin' haw)
Sign: Leo
Marital Status: Happily divorced from a doofus dickhead named Dave; now happily married to the studly Rory, father of her baby daughter, Jade, since January 31, 2004.
Knickname: Crevice
Loves: All animals, her family, especially Jadey-poo, friends, and pets, Noah Wyle, sleeping, eating, web design, really stupid infomercials, hard rock and hip-hop, "old skool" rap, "ER", "Beavis & Butt-head", "South Park" (especially TIMMY!), "The Sopranos", "Six Feet Under", the drugs Paxil, Ortho-Tricyclen, and Valium, Don Imus, Steve Irwin ("The Crocodile Hunter"), George Carlin, Steve Martin, Robin Williams, Al Franken, the cast of "Saturday Night Live" 1975-1980, Eminem, Run-DMC (RIP, Jam Master Jay), Tom Hanks, Meg Ryan, and George Clooney, and Tommy Lee (who STILL kicks ASS!!). She'll also always hold a special place in her heart for Nikki Sixx of "Motley Crue", even though he and the rest of Motley Crue pretty much suck now.
Hates: Snobby people, dumb jocks, people with no intelligence or no sense of humor, "holy rollers", our land lady, auto racing, wrestling (or as they call it down south, "wrastlin'"), George W. Bush, Bill O'Reilly, and all the other far-right, ultra-conservative buttholes, animal cruelty, homelessness, homewrecking whores, anyone who cheats in a committed relationship, abusers of children or animals, porn with butt-ugly "stars".


Stephanie Granado
, Vice-Pres. SSN, INC.--Quickie Bio

 

Born: 9/26/74 "in a hospital somewhere". Raised all over the damn place (Army brat).
Sign: Libra
Marital Status: Happily divorced from a perverted dickhead named Martin; now happily attached to the studly Troy.
Knickname: Bunghead
Loves: All animals, her family, friends, and pets, propane and propane accessories, her "niece", Jade, David Duchovny, Prince, sleeping, eating, selling blinds, infomercials, hard rock music, "The X-Files", "ER", "Beavis & Butt-head", "South Park" (especially Cartman), antidepressant and antipsychotic drugs, Merchant-Ivory films, Stephen King, Steve Martin, Prince, the entire cast of "Saturday Night Live" 1975-1980, Chris Noth, Daniel Day-Lewis, Run-DMC (RIP Jam Master Jay) and other "old skool" rap. She'll also always hold a special place in her heart for the original line-up of the band "Anthrax".
Hates: Snobby people, dumb jocks, people with no intelligence or no sense of humor, "holy rollers", auto racing, wrestling, George W. Bush, Bill O'Reilly, and all the other far-right, ultra-conservative buttholes, animal cruelty, homelessness, homewrecking whores, anyone who tries to tell her how to live.

The SSN Family, East Coast Headquarters...

Scum-Toddler, Jade.
Daughter of SSN Pres., Amy and Scum-Daddy, Rory. Enjoys watching old George Carlin specials with her Mommy, "Oobi", "Blue's Clues", "Elmo's World", and "Tom and Jerry". Newest discoveries: Telling everyone to "SHUT UP!", saying that stuff "sucks", and giving orders to everyone. AKA "Jadey", "Pookie", and "Monkey Butt".
Scum-Daddy, Rory.
Father of Scum-Baby Jade,
husband of Amy. Enjoys gaming, computer repair, and karaoke. Hates doing kitty litter, taking out garbage, or loading and unloading the dishwasher.
Scum-Cat, Bruiser,
Male cat "son" of Amy and Rory, "brother" to Jade. Worships his "Daddy". Follows him around like a puppy. Enjoys sucking up to his Daddy constantly, rolling around all cute-like, and pissing off his "Mommy" by dissing her affections. AKA "Bruisy", "Bruise", "Bruiser Brian", and "Daddy's Boy".
Scum-Cat, Buddy,
Male cat "son" of Amy and Rory, "brother" to Jade. Boasts the proud distinction of being the fattest cat in the Young household at nearly 15 lbs. Enjoys digging up the carpet and blocking the TV screen with his tail while his Daddy is playing games on his X-Box. AKA "Bud-Bud"
and "Bud"
Scum-Cat, Mama Kitty,
C
at "daughter" of Amy and Rory, "sister" to Jade. Rescued by Scumqueen Amy in 2001 when her former bastard owners moved away and left her behind. Mother of Scum-Cats Buddy, Skooter, Bruiser, Junior, and Bob. Enjoys being petted, sleeping, and occasional bouts of mania. AKA "Mama"
Scum-Cat, Silent Bob,
C
at "daughter" (yes, DAUGHTER!) of Amy and Rory, "sister" to Jade.
Enjoys playing chase with her brothers. Loves everybody, when she's in the right mood. Can't sit still for long. AKA "Bobbie",
"The B-O-B", "Bob-ra", and "Mayor Bob Young".
Scum-Cat, Scooter,
Cat "son" of Amy and Rory, "brother" to Jade. Worships his human "Mommy", Amy. Enjoys playing "fetch" with mom's empty packs of Winston cigarettes and sleeping beside his mommy and Jade. Will yowl when he forgets where Mommy is. AKA "Scooty-poo", "Rooter", "Rooty" and "Scooty"
Scum-Cat, Junior,
Male cat "son" of Amy and Rory, "brother" to Jade. Affectionately known as "Fang", 'cause his "play bites" break skin. Enjoys sitting in anyone's lap - as long as they are on the toilet. Known to Jade as
"Butthole Kitty".