Scum Shopping Network Mission:
is our mission here at SSN to provide America's scumbags with the finest
and filthiest products and entertainment. We guarantee that every item
purchased through ssn has been manufactured by hard-working sweatshop
employees at our South Carolina and Arizona home offices, and comes
with the SCUM seal of inspection. YES! Our president and
vice-president thoroughly inspect every product before it leaves our
posession on its journey to your disgusting hands. Rest assured, if
it's from SSN, it's scummy!
We here at the
Scum Shopping Network (SSN) do our damnedest to provide you, the scumbag,
with the finest in high quality merchandise and entertainment at the
world's lowest prices. We challenge you---Hell, we DARE you to find
such fine products at lower prices Anywhere. And with not one, but two
corporate headquarters, located in South Carolina and Arizona (Cities
not disclosed, because we don't know you a**holes), we're guaranteed
to have your selected items in stock or we'll come out and act as your
personal slaves for the amount of time it takes to order and ship your
merchandise. You can't beat that with a wet noodle (or your shriveled
With all this in
mind, feel free to surf through our site. Navigation is easy with the
Content section provided at the top of each page (no, dummy..the OTHER
top!). Enjoy, and thank you for your interest in SSN!
(PLEASE READ, FOR GOD'S SAKE!)*
SSN (Scum Shopping
Network) is purely fictitious. In other words, this crap isn't real!
The products are fake. Any resemblance to actual products, manufactured
presently or in the past, is purely coincidental. Do NOT try
ordering these products. Doing so will just make you look like a dumbass.
This is NOT an "adult" site, in the traditional sense. There
is nothing pornographic here, so get off our case if you've got a gripe.
However, we do require that you, the viewer, be 17 years of age of older
so that you may understand the greatness that is scum (in other words,
I guess you could say this site ranges anywhere from PG-13 to R, dependig
upon which page you're viewing). If you're not 17 or older you just
won't get it, so GET LOST! Thank you very much.
SSN was "founded"
in 1993 by Amy Schultz and Stephanie Granado (real people) when the
two women, armed with warped minds and a camcorder, decided to satirize
shop-at-home cable channels, the products they feature, the audience
they cater to, and the blatantly pretentious hosts that hype all the
merchandise. Since then, SSN has evolved to "radio" (i.e.
audio cassettes) and now the internet.