Bringing A Little Culture to You, The Scumbag.

If you paid a damned bit of attention in school, you may remember that a "Haiku" is a three-line Japanese poem consisting of five syllables, seven syllables, then five syllables again. Because we here at the Scum Shopping Network wish to expose our viewers to a bit of culture, we have composed some Haiku poems that we really think you'll enjoy, if you are truly a "scumfan". *NOTE*: In case you forgot, Joe Bob, not all poems rhyme!

Show us your stuff! Submit your scum haiku poem to us at

Curse that pus-filled boil
growing on my big fat butt.
Sitting is a bitch.

Cigarette smoke reeks,
It offends many people.
This is why I smoke.

R.R., you bastard!
Three years of my life wasted.
I hope your ass hurts.

Toilet overflows
all over my bathroom floor
Damn, I hate constipation!

Look at that small worm
growing then shrinking again!
Oh--just your penis.

The pain, the urgency
Quickly, quickly I must pee!
I've held it too long.

Picking your nose right
can be very productive.
Long snots look awesome.

It hurts to poop now.
I have these big hemorroids.
Got Preparation-H?

Dammit, sideways turd!
Rotate to the left, will you?
PLOP! That feels better.

Beaver, beaver damn!
Why must you itch this instant?
I am on a date.

Pizza and cheesecake
I ate both for dinner.
Now I have to crap.

Admire your snot,
so slow, yet always running.
Bet you can't say that!

I like it a lot
when someone farts really loud.
I am that "someone".

Roach, roach, ugly roach!
Crawling through the back screen door.
WHAM! It crawls no more.

The flow--a waterfall,
pungent smell, dehydration.

I really like food
swallowing is fun to do.
Throwing up sucks.

Drinking can be cool,
but do not drink a butt load
unless you like puke.

So this is it, huh?
The Eiffel Tower. I'm thrilled.
Where's the toilet at?